Non-Duality (not that I am an expert)

3 09 2017

This morning I read a facebook thread about a teacher in what he called non-duality who committed suicide.  I gather from the thread that this happens from time to time.  I understand from their perspective this makes sense, but it seems to me they are missing the point of this life, and our struggles.

I also read an article by another teacher addressing this issue. http://non-duality.rupertspira.com/read/suicide_and_awakened_behaviour230

I agree with what Rupert has to say in this article.  We as Americans take part of a thing from an old eastern teachings and give them the McDonald’s treatment.  I agree with Rupert that an awakening (whatever that means) is only the beginning.  I had my first direct experiences of my true nature in 2004, and I do not feel I am done with this process in anyway.  I think in the west people have an experience and glimpse of the truth, and they dive into that and feel this is it, and over time they become disillusioned because their life has not fallen into a utopia of some kind.  That is not the nature of our awakening.  In my experiences the more awakened someone is, often the more difficult their life becomes.  And they are on a path of truth.  We cannot go back from their.  We cannot forget and fall back into our old ways of being.  We might want to, we might say this new things is way too hard, and I need to stop and go back.  This is not really possible.  Once something has fundamentally changed in us, as much as we would like to we cannot then ignore it.

I do not know any of the teachers, the two that committed suicide, or Rupert, but I do agree with what Rupert said. I read Wayne’s blog entry about his suicide, and I did not get it. I have not read his work, but I have had awakening experiences. Many of them, and I do not consider myself an expert on non-duality. I feel I will always be seeking, and I get the non-attachment part of it all. I just feel we are here for a reason. We chose to be here for a reason, and I will not leave early just in case I have not gotten to that reason. What I do know is that if we do not complete the purpose we came for, we will have to come again to complete it. I would rather handle it in this life while I am conscious of this and many other things. What I am not clear about is when I die, and return (if I still must resolve things here) will I retain my current level of consciousness, or will I have to work to come back to that place again. If I have to work to come back to that place, will I succeed, or will life circumstances get in the way. I have a theory – I think the more enlightened we are the harder our lives become. The stronger we are, the more awakened (to use a term that is meaningless) the harder the lives are. I look at those who are hugely challenged in this life, and I wonder – are they the most evolved of us, but need that final lesson in humility, or something else that I cannot conceive, to move forward in their life. Or if we have faced the worst of humanity and ourselves, say war, and rape, and incest, and slavery, etc. do we not have to face those things again having learned the lessons from them. In our society we get so caught up in the perpetrators who have done such heinous acts, but we do not consider it may have been the life path of those who were victimized by those acts to learn deep teachings from those things. We are still looking back generations and saying this was wrong or that was wrong, we cannot change those things, and there was likely learning on both sides of those issues for the evolution of the individuals and the entire species. We will have war, until we have learned all we can from it. And all the other horrible things that happen on this world. We choose this world, we chose this time, and we chose to learn something from it all.

I remember several years ago after learning surrender meditation, I could not sleep.  I was basically awake 24 hours a day for about two weeks, I talked to my teacher about this and he replied, I guess the divine wants you to be up.  And I stopped doing surrender meditation.  I did not want to be up…  I also was not tired.  I was awake almost all the time for those two weeks, but I was not exhausted.  I had energy, I was doing life, I was okay.  And I let it stop me.  Not because I was worn out or not able to function, but fear.  I created a barrier to moving forward into deeper surrender to the divine.  Now I make excuses that I am too busy to go back to surrender meditation, but I think it is still the fear.  I do have a meditation practice, but it is not surrender meditation, at least not for the present.  In the next couple of months I will go to another surrender meditation retreat and this time I will continue the practice.

Back to the issues of teachers and suicide.  I have many teachers who have been working on their awakening for 30 or 40 years.  They are amazing beings, all of them, who have real lives like we all do.  These are not people who have dropped out of society and lives a monastic life.  One of them used to say, it is easy to become enlightened by going off somewhere and sitting with a teacher for years, what is hard is becoming enlightened and doing a life in the world everyday, and taking care of family, and students, and clients, and details.  I struggle with the details, because yes there is a level of non-attachment that makes me not care much about them.  And for me to do my life’s purpose those things need to be handled.  One of my teacher’s also said, that the most enlightened people, are often the most out of balance people.  This I get too.  My life is out of balance.  Maybe it has always been, but since having had certain experiences it is more pronounced.  And it is okay, I am working on what I need to work on.  I am moving projects forward.  I am living a life that brings me joy, more than not.  None of my teachers, although profound beings, seem to be done with their own journey.  They continue to teach, they continue to do their practices, they continue to seek truth, and they continue to grow.  My teachers who were not on their own growth path have fallen away.  Because they had not continued their path, they only had so much to teach.  They were not learning and growing themselves, and therefore they could only teach to a certain stage or awareness.  I bless all my teachers and have great love for them.

For me the path is ever unwinding in front of me.  There is so much I do not know, and I feel that will always be true.  I think maybe I started too late in life.  I think this journey is at least 30 or 40 years for anyone, and to leave early because at a certain stage I feel that I have learned it all and there is nothing else to accomplish here would be a mistake for me.  Sometimes over the years I have reached that place of feeling I could not possible progress more from here.  I have come so far, I am so different, I am a completed piece in some way,  later to realize that this place was just a resting spot for a few months or maybe even a year or so, but was not the end of the journey.  Suddenly I realized I did not know anything, and the journey continued…

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