Significance

3 07 2017

It has been a long time since I made a blog post.

In that time a lot has happened in my life on many fronts.  Some I have likely talked about and others I have not.

Today I was looking through my old blog posts and thought I would write.  And what is up for me is significance.

What I mean by that is that our mind is made of of significances.  Our mind makes everything more or less significant.  What happens in life is mostly neutral until our mind grabs a hold of it, and places some significance on it.  I have noticed this process of not placing significance on certain things over the past many years.  There are things I used to think were very important and effected me in a big way, that now I do not care about.  I am no longer placing significance on them.  It is hard to come up with the things I have stopped doing this with because I do not really put my attention on them anymore.

As I stop putting my attention on certain things, my mind stops placing significance on them.  And there is freedom in that.  In a way my mind has less control over my thoughts and feelings.  I have pulled out of the struggle with certain parts of life.  One of them is my family.  I stopped long ago wanting them to be a certain way.  I got they are only going to be the way there are.  They are not going to accept me in a way they haven’t.  They are certainly not going to get me as I am today, being very different than I was many years ago, and fitting into my little family niche, my family role, the good boy, or the big brother, or the adversary.  Or many other roles I may not actually have participated in, but was cast in for them to do their own personal play in the family dynamics.

This is just one area where I have stopped putting my attention on them to be a certain way, to meet some expectation I had, to meet my needs in a way that I felt I could not meet my own needs.  The dance of family that rarely feels satisfying to the dancing puppets that try to act a certain way to be accepted by the other dancing puppets who are doing the same.

With my family all I can do is get them to the best of my ability, and accept them the way they really are, and to have boundaries with them that keeps them from infringing on me in ways I do not want, while they continue with their family dynamic games.  I am more conscious of my roles, and decided which I might play or won’t play.  I strive to accept them the way their really are.  I think we tend to have less compassion for our families than we do for others in the world.  Of course our families deserve as much compassion as anyone else, they were just closer to us, and we saw the inside of what was going on.   We participated in what was going on.  We were part of what was going on.  Many of us are still wrapped up in that dance, and others have left the dance hall with the intention of no longer having contact with our former dance partners.  Neither of these is the path to freedom…

We must see the truth in ourselves, the others and the dance.  We do not have freedom in reactivity to the dynamics, either by continuing our participation, or rejecting it all.

We must seek freedom in ourselves.  Acknowledge those things that still trigger you about the others and meditate upon that until it is healed in you.  This is one way to let go of the struggle, to no longer put your attention on those things that have bothered you about the dance for so many years.  Sometimes we cannot do this on our own, and we need help.  Mind Clearing is a way to release those significances from the mind.  Enough Mind Clearing work can break up those stuck places we have lingering without ourselves.

I will likely write more on this in the future but for now…

Be well, and always seek freedom in yourself, and for others…

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Trusting a Man…

21 03 2016

This morning I have been thinking about what makes a man trustworthy.  Most of us would consider a man trustworthy if he keeps his word, if he says what he means, and if he stays within the boundaries and agreements of the relationship.

What comes to mind for me is a man who knows himself, who is grounded, who is unshakable in the face of the feminine storm.  A man who meets his partner with strength rather than anger and defensiveness, or withdrawal.  Rather than go into one of those defense strategies when faced with difficulty be present, be conscious, hold on to who you are.  Do not get lost in a response to the situation.  I have done both in my life.  A few years ago I was in a short relationship with someone who was pretty hurt and angry.  They took offense at nearly everything.  At first I was patient and in touch with my true nature but over time the attacks wore me down and I began to react.  First with defensiveness, then with anger, and finally with withdrawal.  None of those served either of us.  And as my reactivity grew the relationship further devolved and fractured.  Now, I am not saying this was a relationship that should have been nurtured but my reactions still haunt me.  Every time I fell into the trap of one of those coping strategies I felt I had failed.  I was not strong, I was not grounded, and I me.  And as this pattern continued I felt my strength eroded away.  The accusations and my defensiveness slowly undermined my groundedness, my stability, and my ability to stand firm in my true nature.  Of course my true nature was still there.  But I was losing touch with that one and the strength I had built up over time was failing me.  Most of all I felt like a failure.  I felt that I could not manage my reactions and myself.  In only a few weeks what I had worked so hard to attain seemed to be coming apart.  I was not trustable in this state of being that I fallen into.

For me to be truly trustworthy I must stay conscious, drop judgement, be grounded in the real me and approach life and relationship from that place.  If I lose my way then I lose my capacity to be conscious and make choices about how I will react to something.  When I lose touch with these things I react immediately instead of taking my time and allowing to correct response to arise.  The ability to do so comes from being stable and grounded.  Through meditative practices, through examination of my life and emotional states, through mind clearing, and other therapeutic processes.

To be absolutely trustworthy to the feminine heart a lapse in consciousness and going into reactivity is counter productive.  And every unconscious, defensive reaction takes time to heal.  Every one.  Not that we have to be perfect in anyway.  But be aware that when we react with defensiveness, anger, or withdrawal we have failed.  In that moment we are have lost trust.  These moments of of lost trust build up.  It is not one failing in this area that destroys the feminine trust in us, but many over time.  One time she says something to you that feels like an attack and accusation, and you come back with a defensive reply.  Another time she interrupts you at a task and you respond with anger for the interruption, rather than openness to her and what she brings.  Next time she does not bring it to you.  Another time she has an issues with something and instead of addressing it with her, you withdraw feeling hurt and accused.  Instead, give her your full attention.  listen to her fully, receive her communication, and take time wit your response.  Sometimes a response is not necessary, just receiving her communication in an open way is enough to calm her over the situation.  Get that you do not always have to “fix” it for her.  You can just receive it and let her clear it from her mind.  Sometimes just holding her, and having contact is enough.  Sometimes if is is something that hurt her an apology is the thing that breaks through to her heart.  Always be open and make it your goal to always foster closeness and openness between you.  Do not close to her when it is hard but open more.  This is the road to being worthy of the gift of her heart.





Processes…

26 09 2015

My current process continues.  I continue to reexamine my life and it is a painful process.

What I understand about this process is that I have been on a serious journey for many years of growth and healing and I have arrived at a certain place; where I am look at my life with more consciousness.  I think that my progress has stopped for now and this examination of my previous actions and decisions and situations and circumstances is a clearing out of the unconsciousness that I lived in and with in previous levels of development or nondevelopment (whichever applies).

It seems I have to do a kind of karma clearing on my previous level of consciousness.  There are so many things that I have done that I would not do now, that I decided that I would not decide now.  Situations that I put myself in that I would not do so now.  Relationships that I entered that I would not enter now.  Decisions I have made that I would not make now.

In a way I could say I was not completely sane, and made decisions from that not completely sane place.  Now I am a different person, in a different place in my beingness and consciousness.  I would not make of those decisions I made in the past.  One of the bigger changes is that I made many decisions from the needs of my ego, and my neuroses; rather than a place of consciousness and my and others greatest good.

Like other processes I have been through this is one that I am not resisting or trying to stop it.  I just let it roll through my life as I go through it and my daily activities.  In a way I am not attached to it, and it a way I am very attached to it.  I know that this process will end one day.  Maybe this week, maybe in a month, maybe in a year, and when it is done there will be another process.  That process will begin when it is ready.  It will likely not be right away after this one ends, it could be a year it could be days.  And I know that process will be different, and hit me in a totally different area of my life.

It is all a purification process.  Sometimes I think the more work I do, the more conscious I become the more there is to do.  I am ready for this process to continue until it is done, and I am ready for the next process.  It seems there is always a next process.

It all continues.  There is always something to learn.  More to purify.  More to clear from our mind and consciousness.  This will continue for a long time to come.








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